


Losing Game

by SissorLuv



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Comfort, Emotional Constipation, Fluffy?, M/M, Regret, because it has to be done, hinting at some kink, it was very late and I need to revise this but I am posting it anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-12
Updated: 2016-01-12
Packaged: 2018-05-13 07:42:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5700442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SissorLuv/pseuds/SissorLuv
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some comfort after Trauma, I guess</p>
            </blockquote>





	Losing Game

It was strange to see him that way. Broken, long after his bones had been put back together, his flesh knitted. Hux could see it in the way he held himself apart. They hadn't talked since Hux had saved him from certain death. Hux had sometimes visited him, but never long and never when he was conscious. One day Kylo had left the medical bay as if nothing had ever happened. But Hux knew he wasn't the same. And still he did not know how to react. Every time he came near Ren, it felt as if he was pushed back by some invisible moving wall. The Force. Part of him was glad he didn't have to deal with it. Part of him... felt hurt. He didn't like to admit it but he wasn't as indifferent toward Ren as he acted. He tried to tell himself he saved him because Snoke ordered him to. But if he was honest with himself... he had been worried. And now that Kylo Ren had become quiet, he missed him. The relief he had felt when he'd found him alive had vanished, made room for emptiness to settle in. Hux didn't know what to make of it. But there were things more pressing. 

He missed Hux. Yet he couldn't bear to be with him. He didn't want anything near him that made him feel good. Because that was not what he deserved, not what he needed. He'd wanted to die there. End the struggle. But Hux had come, had pulled him back with his voice. Kylo didn't know why he'd come back. Maybe he was just used to do what Hux told him to do when he had this special edge in his tone. But he couldn't go back to normal. They had never been special anyway and Hux didn't seem to care.

\------------------------------------

“Ren.”  
“Do you need something?”  
“Depends.”  
“If it doesn't concern the Surpreme Leader or the Order-”  
“Ren!”

Hux hopes it will work. He knows that Kylo is physically superior, that he can throw him out with a flick of his wrist if he wants to. But it has worked before, when he used this other voice, that was only for them. The old Ren had liked to oblige. Maybe it had been his way of forgetting. It certainly had been Hux's.   
Kylo Ren falls silent, he doesn't move but he doesn't object either when Hux comes closer. He places a gloved hand on Ren's shoulder, feels him tense. Slowly he kneads the hard muscle of his neck, his shoulders, presses his nose in the soft curls of Kylo's hair.   
“I did visit you in the infirmary”, he says, nuzzling against the other man's jaw.  
“I didn't notice...anything”, comes the reply, after moments of silence.  
Hux's left hand wanders to Ren's throat but he doesn't press down, just caresses him. He feels Ren's head rolling back, so it rests against his.

“Why are you doing this?”, Kylo asks.   
“I don't know. I could tell you that I am trying to bring you back for the Order, for power and success... and part of it would be true. Also Phasma is a terrible snark-buddy.”  
A snort.  
“Funny doesn't suit you... still I like the thought of her hauling you around after insulting her.”  
“I wouldn't insult a lady...”  
“...that can haul you around.”  
“You could, too. But you don't.”

He doesn't like to admit it. Of course he has been trained, he knows how to fight, how to shoot. He still trains. But he isn't battle tested. He kills through scheming, lying, pushing buttons, manipulating. Phasma and Ren... they are different beasts. 

“Phasma isn't as insane and debauched as I am.”  
“True.”

He pushes against Ren's shoulders and he gives in, sinks to his knees. Hux runs his fingers through Kylo's hair, massaging his scalp but also tugging at some thick strands. He feels his body react but wills it down. That is not what he is here for. 

“Tell me what happened.”

Kylo can't say what it is that makes him comply. He thought he had left everything behind in the snow. He has avoided Hux and it had worked... until now, until Hux decided to change the rules. Had he really been in the infirmary? Did he actually care or was it about protecting the investment? He hoped it was the latter, because love, even friendship, was a losing game. Still he gets on his knees, closes his eyes. He expects Hux to slap him or choke him, hurt him in some way and he tells himself it's fine. Nothing personal. It used to be about oblivion but now it should be a reminder, a deserved punishment. But then Hux does something unexpected: in a soft voice he asks him a personal question. Kylo wants to rise again, throw him out, but Hux senses his growing tension and pushes him down. Kylo has no strength left to try again. He wants to talk. Because he is weak. 

„I killed him.“  
„Whom?“  
„My father.“

There is silence. His senses reduce to the soft touch of Hux's hands in his hair. Why is he so gentle? He leans his head against Hux's thigh, expecting to be told off. Instead his cheek is caressed. 

„Snoke must believe it now...“, he continues.  
„Believe what?“  
„That I can kill anyone close to me if need be.“  
„Can you?“  
Ren searches for Hux's hand, intertwines their fingers, presses hard.  
“I don't feel stronger.”  
He is crying. Hux lets him.

**Author's Note:**

> Because Hannigram isn't trashy enough I join the Kylux Trash. I wanted to write some kinky stuff but I am saving that for later because I felt like some angst and repressed feelings. It is very short, has to be edited and I am afraid my English sucks.


End file.
